My Love

I've had a headache for the past few days.  I don't usually get them and when I do they go away quickly, but this time...well like I said, I've had it for the past few days.  Add to that allergies, which I'm still trying to figure out WHY considering it's been so hot lately. Combine those with feeling very tired and I let it all stop me from continuing NaBloPoMo.  I had an idea for Sunday's photo ("Your Feelings"), but wasn't able to do it.  I felt so bad, I didn't even try.  I THOUGHT about trying, but I didn't.

Monday's theme was "Your Energy".  That one I already had.  This is my phone's lockscreen.  This is my energy.  It's why I've done what I've done and haven't done what I haven't done.  It's no longer about others or me.  It's all about him:

LOL  I love that piquito.

Yesterday's theme was "Your Style", but I didn't even look at my calendar.  I didn't even look much at the laptop.  Yesterday was bad.  Yesterday was one of those days when you "just can't".  You know those, right?  I'm sure you've had those.  Lucky you if you haven't.

Even while I was playing with my king it didn't feel like a "normal" day.  I finished some work online but that's about it.  I wasn't really into it so that just made it be more work.

Today, I don't have allergies and my headache is lighter...but my heart feel SO heavy. And I'm no idiot.  I know why but I try to push it out of my mind though, until it's all over. My king went down for a nap so I decided to check out the NaBloPoMo theme for today just to see if I can get a post out.  Today's theme?  "Your Love". 

I don't have to say much about it by now, do I?  He's napping right now so as I'm writing I can't help but feel that heaviness inside because I don't have him to keep me distracted.  I checked out some blogs, but they made me feel worse.  I went into Facebook and that was no help either.  So I thought since I'm going to feel crappy anyway, might as well get it all out in a post, right?  (And right after, I'm either taking a nap with him or waking him up because I need him).

I know things will change for the better as he gets older.  I know all I need is patience and I have it, but sometimes, I can't help feel the way I feel.  I don't think anyone would CHOOSE to feel this way.  

My head hurts and my heart feels heavy.  I feel sometimes that things could be much improved.  That they SHOULD be much improved.  That things should have been different.  That I miss certain things I once had.  But no matter how much I think about it, I would a million times out of a million choose my love, my king.


4 comments on "My Love"

Tara R. on May 6, 2015 at 6:36 PM said...

Your king is adorable. And, it does get better... it will.

That New Mommy on May 8, 2015 at 5:29 AM said...

Thank you. For both.

cathy jones on May 8, 2015 at 6:10 AM said...

Children change your life in ways you can't even prepare for. But oh, what a change. My three are grown, but I can close my eyes and see them in my arms like it was yesterday. I miss their baby years, but they are great adults. It was worth it all.

Love your king's photo, he's a doll.

That New Mommy on May 23, 2015 at 7:05 PM said...

Thanks. Good to know these memories will last a long time. I hope time goes so slow it seems to almost stall. LOL (◠‿◕)

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