The Stay-At-Home-Mom

I have worked since I was 16 years old.  One of those summer jobs where they set you up some place to help out the regular employees.  Chuck E. Cheese's (oh CEC, so early in my life).  My dad's workplace.  Different positions: clerical assistant, waitress, store associate, machine operator, cashier, nail technician, embarkation officer, summer camp teacher assistant, operations manager, translator, tutor, and at one point I was a business owner.  Some jobs I liked, some I loved, some were just me needing to work.  I enjoyed working though.  That's why when I decided to become a stay-at-home-mom, it was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. 

I was one of those lucky few that was able to bring my baby with me to work, but I was on pubic transportation and the commute is not as easy as one would think.  I live somewhere where public transportation is not very reliable.  Don't get me wrong, the bus will just can't ever be sure when.  Add that to the bipolar weather (some days its ridiculously hot, others it's raining like crazy) was more than I was willing to put my baby through.

My job made me happy.  There were times I would get frustrated but I wouldn't have changed it for any other job.  I met some great people and learned new things.  It was hard leaving that behind, but not when it came to choosing I had to do what was right for my baby.

It's hard when that change happens.  Maybe working people think "Awesome! Staying at home all day!"  No, not really.  The first days I would hear the bus go up and I would automatically look at the clock wondering how much time I had left before getting on to go to work.  Whenever I passed by a clock and it said 3pm I would wonder what the students had going on.

There was one student who had a project on Black History Month due and that stayed with me for a couple of weeks, wondering if he ever got it done.  Obviously, everyone was fine, but it was that habit that I had developed the past 3+ years.  Plus, the kids I had grown close to where no longer there.  I just had this one baby that just wanted boob and sleep.  My partner was always working so I was alone a lot.  I had no car, so I couldn't just go somewhere. 

As my baby started growing and becoming more aware of his surroundings, things started changing.  I was enjoying (and I still do) every single second of watching my baby grow.  I couldn't even think about leaving his side.  I wanted to, though.  I wanted those few minutes of pure me time, when I didn't have to think about caring for a baby, but although I didn't have them, I was okay.  I was enjoying getting pooped on.  LOL

A few months later, my baby was getting bigger, wanting to be with me more, we were playing, laughing...but I was also feeling I wanted to do something.  That's when I started thinking about working from home.  I had the option of going back to translating, but it would be a challenge with a baby and dogs (not the kind of challenge I usually enjoy, either).

A friend recommended selling things from home as many other do.  Another friend encouraged me to continue designing graphics images like I did before in my spare time.  My partner, knowing I love learning new things and challenging myself, downloaded some programs to create mobile phone applications and registered us as developers.  I began on all three. 

I created a schedule with time blocked off for work.  As much as I tried, it was hard to stick to because babies are unpredictable.  To this day, I cannot strictly follow that schedule.  When my partner is around, it's not much of a difference either.  I try, but it seems like I'm always needed.  I've been able to organize my "projects" though.  (That's what I call them...not work..."projects").  To this day, I'm slightly behind, but I'm feeling okay.  We went and got information on home business in our county, I've played with more graphic designs, and I started creating an app.  Actually, I started with one and it kind of turned into more than I could do at the moment so I started a second one which is almost at completion.  Simple, but it's giving me practice. 

I have always felt I was good at this mom thing, but I sort of felt I was losing the other parts of me.  I don't know if some other moms that made the same decision have felt the same.  I was lucky to have friends there supporting me, though.  I have thanked them, but I don't know if they'll realize how grateful I am for their words. 

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