Well, here I go again…giving this blog thing a try. This time I may stick to it.
I've been a mommy for almost 11 months now (WOO-HOO!) and a stay-at-home mommy for about 5 months, I think. It's not as easy as I thought it would be. I mean, sure I'm at home, but at first it was this whole stay-at-home-mom vs housewife thing. Baby Daddy for some reason thought it was the same thing. It's not. He just couldn't understand why chores weren't fully done and he definitely couldn't understand why I argued that he had to help out (something that started when I was on maternity leave). Now mind you, he walks to and from work most of the time and I know it's tiring, but it's not going to kill a person to wash their own dishes or pick up after themselves. I never agreed to be a housewife and I won't ever agree to it. I have ONE child (without counting my four-legged ones, of course) and that's how it seems it's going to be for a long time.
I could see his point, but he didn't see mine. I'm a breastfeeding badass and my son loves his milk. This meant I was tired, a LOT. This meant it was either house chores or sleep. At night, he didn't really have to wake up to feed Little Man (he tried it in the beginning, but after I started to breastfeed exclusively he let the milk I had pumped spoil twice, so I gave up on pumping out my valuable milk so he could have that bonding time with LM). When he came from work, he'd spend some time with LM but LM would want milk, so it was up to me. And I'll be honest, I know when babies are young they're boring, but to me it didn't matter. I'd spend all the time I could with him because I wanted to create that bond. Something I think BD has come to realize this past week. When LM is feeling fussy or wants comfort, he looks for me. BD tried blaming it on me once saying that it was my fault because I always gave him breast to comfort him. Of course, he didn't understand that it was all his own doing (and I think he still doesn’t get that). He'd come home from work, at times help feed the dogs, hang with LM, check his email or news or whatever on his phone, and watch TV. I told him once he wasn't spending enough time with LM, yet he argued that he had to work. I retaliated that you would think anyone that worked would want to spend EVERY minute with their first child when they were home. But, if baby cried, mommy took care of. Not always with breast either. Sometimes I would just pick him up, bounce him, and coo. I think it may be a family thing, though. There's that old myth about letting a child cry so that their lungs can open up. Total bullshit of course, but I think it's how he and his brothers were raised (something also remarked by a close friend a little while ago).
Now, LM is 10 months old and gets very excited whenever he hears his daddy come home from work. Sometimes, LM is with me, sees his daddy, and gets worked up so he would pick him up. I told BD once to always pick him up and not make him suffer waiting. Now he does that, which is great. But, there are still those times when LM is fussy, fussy, fussy and he wants nothing to do with daddy. Sometimes I feel bad because I try to put myself in BD's shoes. How would it feel if my own son prefers being with the other parent? Then, I get over it because it's something he brought upon himself. Sure, I don't really get some quiet ME time (just some quiet minutes spread throughout the day), but I'm trying to work that out (hence the blogging LOL). There are some other things I've wanted to work on, but it's kind of difficult getting time in between chores (I have given up on two rooms that I refuse to work on - he can do those if he wants) and taking care of, and hanging out with of course, of baby. Sometimes it makes me feel bad, but sometimes I'm okay with it because it's time I'm spending with my baby, strengthening that bond we have. Soon, he won't be a baby and maybe won't want to spend as much time with me. Like I've always said, I have to take care of and worry about MY relationship with my child, not about others' relationships.
Wow…a kind of depressing post for my first one after getting back on it. I really didn't mean that, but I guess I had to let it out. I actually wanted to talk about this year’s NaNoWriMo. LOL I'll try again next post.
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